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Topics - Levo

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 21
1
General / Hey dudes can someone do me a favor?
« on: May 26, 2011, 10:06:24 pm »
I need a CD of teaching material for a class that I want to give down here in Brazil, but I can only find the CD I need from a bookseller in the UK. If I have them ship it to someones house can you rip it for me and send me the ISO?  I'll buy you a pint as thanks!

Cheers,
Levo

2
Jokes & Comedy / Disorder in the courts.
« on: November 21, 2009, 07:08:43 pm »
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes . ;
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
____________________________ ______ _________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
___________________________________ ______ ___

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male.
_____ ________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WIT NESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

3
Ask/Tell Haxed / BBC channel topics
« on: August 02, 2009, 08:19:44 am »
I recently rigged a proxy so I can watch the BBC iplayer, but I cat figure out any rhyme or reason as to how they decide what shows go on which BBC station. Is there any pattern to it or is it just random?

4
Jokes & Comedy / Mustache!
« on: March 29, 2009, 03:28:59 am »

5
General / Epic football goal
« on: February 22, 2009, 02:10:35 pm »

6
Movies, Shows & Books / New Bill Hicks!
« on: January 31, 2009, 10:06:01 pm »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBC1dKGO2_A

David Letterman has released footage of Bill taped right before he died that he decided to cut from the show 16 years ago. Some oldies and some new lines in here. Good stuff!

7
General / Old men put cameras in teenage girls toilet!
« on: January 31, 2009, 07:06:58 pm »
And the old men run a school!!!

http://www.securityinfowatch.com/online/article.jsp?siteSection=305&id=19760

Quote
A Teenage pupil has been withdrawn from her school after CCTV cameras were installed in the pupils' toilets. </p>

Anthony White, from Llandysul said the cameras at Ysgol Dyffryn Teifi in Ceredigion were an "outrageous invasion" of his daughter Jade's privacy. Jade, 14, said: "I am not going back while the cameras are there. It must be against the law to have them there." 
 
Mr White said: "The school is being pathetic. They don't need security cameras in toilets - certainly not in schools."
 
Ceredigion Council said it had installed the cameras after incidents of "major concern".

Spokeswoman Anwen Francis said: "Any such viewing of CCTV footage is undertaken by senior members of staff having Criminal Records Bureau (CRB) clearance."


This is blatantly outrageous. How much of this shit will you people put up with before you say enough is enough? Watching little girls go toilet now???


8
General / Al Queda took down plane in the hudson!
« on: January 23, 2009, 08:33:40 pm »
This picture was just released by the NYPD showing the culprits just minutes before taking off and launching their attack.


9
General / Good thing about watching British TV:
« on: January 22, 2009, 08:41:41 am »
You can steal their jokes and everyone in America will be none the wiser  :laugh :thumb

10
Ask/Tell Haxed / Why dont people like Jemery Clarkson?
« on: December 15, 2008, 02:05:27 pm »
Whenever I see his name come up on SA loads of UK goons pop up to say hes a twat, but I've been watching Top Gear clips on youtube and find him to be quite funny.

Whats the deal?

11
Ask/Tell Haxed / Tell me the best ps2 games.
« on: November 24, 2008, 07:45:36 pm »
I'm going to my parents house for a week and wont have any of my usual internet funtimes. But I will have a PS2 which Ive never played any games on.

So tell me, what are the best games??

People tell me bioshock was good?

12
Movies, Shows & Books / The IT Crowd Series 3 is in filiming.
« on: October 29, 2008, 03:20:26 pm »
From wikipedia:

Quote
Writing in his blog, writer and director Graham Linehan confirmed that he has recently finished the script for a third series and will begin filming in early September 2008[4]. He also revealed that Richmond (portrayed by Noel Fielding) will not appear in the third series due to issues with Fielding's schedule.[5] Series 3 is due for broadcast at the end of November 2008.[6]


Awesome!

And good on Noel being gone hes a doyle.

13
General / Things that dont bother you one way or another!
« on: September 29, 2008, 12:28:30 am »
Post things that you could care less about!

People complain about Hannah Montana but she doesn't bother me!

14
General / New MS commercial with Seinfeld.
« on: September 12, 2008, 06:41:13 pm »

15
Ask/Tell Haxed / Good pasta dishes?
« on: August 23, 2008, 07:54:43 pm »
I just started exercising alot to get in shape and everything I read says pasta dishes are the best thing to eat to refuel and stuff. But ive never cooked spaghetti or anything before!

What are some some good easy dishes to make??

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